ughhh. something's bothering me but i don't even know what it is exactly...i hate this. i feel so stationary. when i talk to lisa or gillian and they're all full of plans and i am just stuck. i don't know what i am going to do with my life. i want it to be the 50's so i can just get married and be a housewife and it would all be settled. mike says i am a child like it's a bad thing but when i think about it i'd almost rather be percieved like that because in some ways it's easier. i mean i can see how it's annoying to others but i'd just rather have someone else in control sometimes.
so tonight i was going to go to the ranch with gillian and diane and probably some other people but gillian's sick still and diane changed her mind. it's funny though because i don't mind not doing anything if everyone in my house stays home with me. but sometimes i'll be at school late and get home and they've gone and it's sad and lonely.
in school we watched a movie about a guy who submerged himself underground in a cave for six months. everyday he would run elaborate tests that monitored how his body was reacting to having no sun/clocks around. they showed him in his cave and it made me want to cry. i know he did it on purpose but for some reason it was upsetting to see him there all alone in the dark.
|comments: Leave a comment|